Life and Choices

"You are the sum of your experiences."

Mister Betournay recited this to the CATA community during a half-day workshop in my junior year. I can't recall whether or not he told us if they were his words, or a famous quotations from a prominent cultural figure, but I remember the words. I remember the tool-belt he wore that day, proclaiming each item from his own previous experience represented what he has learned, and how he takes them with him through the paths he follows.
I know that my first community theatre tours taught me a lot about the realities of drama, and also how much my decision to attend a new art school sophomore year has impacted my life as a whole. I am also certain that the risk of moving in with strangers in France has led to a series of events that have forced me to realize and accept who I am on my own, when I only have myself and a few material belongings which remain the same. It also forced me to take responsibility for my actions, and a young child, while thoroughly evaluating my options for the future.

"What would you do if you knew you could not fail?"

This was the question that my eyes fell upon late at night a few months ago, when I was searching for artistic inspiration on the world wide web. Afterwards, I signed off and pondered with my diary. My knee-jerk reaction was "Broadway and Hollywood," but I tossed it aside. Then, in the reflections that followed, memories of that six year old blond girl being blinded from the audience by stage lighting and the excitement she felt at the house applause at the end came flooding back. My first lead role, my first big audience, my debut at the opera house scrolled through the insides of my eyelids and I suddenly recalled the words to Broadway songs that inspired me at age thirteen.
Even now, as a nanny, my favorite part of play-time is when we make believe, and I hear myself pointing at a sculpture on the shelf and shouting out, "I see another cowboy coming!" Drawing cartoons to follow the stories I invent for Etienne, making silly faces, and using accents and different voices for the storybooks we read are all forms of expression. In these expressions outside of myself, whatever may be concerning me at the time is insignificant. I now believe that I belong in the world of performance, and am registered as a theatre performance major at Elmira College for the class of 2013.
All the reasons I have to stay in Paris, travel, teach English in China, major in communications, or do volunteer work in Northern Africa are not enough to make me decide to do them, because they are not the one thing that I truly desire. My wish is to return to dance lessons, practice scales and site reading, and tell stories that captivate an audience before me. Going to college and auditioning for Disney next year is the only option that I want to consider for my nineteenth year of life, and I am extremely excited for this.

And so, my experiences are still mounting, undeniably, and thus I am constantly learning and changing. I'm okay with that. There are an abundance of things in existence that I know nothing about, and I have accepted that and decided to ask questions, do my research, and realize that I will never know or understand everything. French grammar is difficult, people matter, and dreams do come true. These are among the things I have learned over the past eight months. What I choose to do for the next two is to keep on learning and listening, and never take "please" and "thank you" for granted. This is where I am in life, and with it, I am content.